How Far Have You Gone With An Obsession!?

Hello Everyone! I saw this question and it made me scratch and shake my head in disgust. My initial response was deeply sarcastic and was edited the day after reading it. I was going to deliver my response curtly to the mayor of Psychoville. I thought about it and considered, for a moment, that the young lady could be trying to make sense of her super strong emotions. She may need some guidance and is not the wicked, dysfunctional woman that I initially perceived. Nothing is sexier in a relationshp than a partner flashing the bright light into your eyes while they start the interrogation process of 21 questions or more. If you are looking to push a person away, harass them about each and every move in their daily routine. If you want another disastrous relationship, go ahead and ruin it with YOUR trust issues! This whole question screams and smells of dysfunction peppered with toxicity! Despite how this looks, it is highly honorable to recognize a pattern of toxic behavior and seek guiance. I recognize that not everyone in your personal sphere offers the sound advice you seek. Therefore, it make sense to drop the question into the web and see what sticks out as reasonable advice. Here is the question and my response. I have offered the link to the Quora page so that you may read the other responses as they come in. Check it out and leave a comment down below. POSED QUESTION: "Why am I so obsessed with someone completely different to what I usually like? I have been so into where he lives and I’m searching up everywhere he has been on Google. Is this normal?" MY RESPONSE: Well, what exactly are you looking for!?! Yes, I do believe that opposites are attracted with each other. Just like how a 'good girl' woman is heavily pursued by the 'bad boy' man. The bad boy is interested in exploring a relationship with a good woman who has a very low body count. Meanwhile his body count is long and the women are on rotation. The good woman has a set of great qualities that not all women possess. Perhaps the reason for your obsession is that the qualities unlock an interesting part of you inside? Digging deeper, those qualities are a mystery and super enticing so you seek to dive deeper into everything about the other person. This guy has treated you the best that any man has in your entire life. You value this and will go to great lengths to not lose what you found. In order to connect deeper with this fella, you must know more about the man. This deeply compels you to go dumpster diving for as many scraps of data that you can possibly find on the man. I sure hope that you are not disappointed with the person once you learn more about them. People are not perfect including the target of your desire. I would think that a person would absolutely obsess over another soul if they deeply touched your core to the point that it is a rare discovery. Sprinkle in some dynamite sex is absolutely outstanding, that can make a person go crazy!! Amazing sex holds great powers over the satisfied partner alone by itself! If that is the case, you WILL want to know who is your competition. By then, it makes sense that you will attempt to feverishly follow your lover's Google footprint. You will be sifting through the virtual halls of social media desperately looking for any piece of data, including names and photos of your potential competition, anywhere from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, to LinkedIn. For any guy who knows he has a crazed woman that is obsessed with him, be careful since you never know what lengths the woman will try to sift for information on you. Yes, I am being dramatic (I can't help myself) about your Dick Tracy actions on the poor fella. For the record, I am trying to recall if I have ever liked any man enough to do this behavior. Even if I have never been compelled to obsess over a man, I can understand the thought process! I am trying to sift my mental rolodex to see if there was anyone I obsessed over enough to track them down, like a blood hound, over the years. If so, what was the root of my obsession? I would say that any obsession I ever had was due to the fact that I was in love and the person, in hindsight, was reckless with my heart. I was many ways invested any man I was serious about. I have dealt with a man who was very good to me yet dabbled and dropped other women. I dealt with a few 'other women' who knew of me and made sure to contact me, via social media. I had given some chances to turn it around. In hindsight, far too many chances before throwing in the towel and walking. I foolishly blamed myself and worked harder to get his attention and spice up the relationship. This was under the premise of being in love and fighting to hold onto the relationship. It briefly became a 'toxic competition' with other women since my stubborn ego wanted to hold onto the "#1 spot" in his life. The constant feeling of 'not being good enough' crept into my consciousness. The need to get those crumbs of affection from him became an obsession. I finally had enough and turned my emotions off in my mind and permanently pulled away. I share this example to say that I get the strong desire to want to know someone and hold onto what you perceive, at the time, as a gem. You have to ask yourself, deep down in your soul, if it is worth it? A good relationship should flow like water and not be difficult. It shouldn't change or destroy the person that you are. It shouldn't wreck your mind or confidence nor give you stress either. You shouldn't have to fight super hard for it to survive. You should never entertain a relationship that will make you fight for your worth ever. At the end of the day, you must ask yourself many questions before proceeding further? Are you doing emotional harm to yourself or to him? Is the quest for information that you seek going to put anyone in danger? Are you slowly eroding your self respect in order to get closer to this man? Are you pushing the man away by being up his ass too much? Put yourself in the guy's shoes? How would you feel if he did the exact same to you? Would you like to be constantly questioned and being forced to answer for everything? Are you willing to be just as transparent as you require? Will this behavior force him to question why he in a relationship? Is it even worth snooping? What is the payout for doing this to him? Now, why can't you ask him these questions casually in person? Why do you have to go behind his back to seek missing information? Isn't it better to get to know the man over time as he reveals more about himself? Are you doing this because of a lack of trust in a prior relationship? If you are doing this due to a past relationship, you didn't give yourself enough time to heal. You should never force a new person to pay for the sins of a past relationship. If you are snooping because of a breach in trust previously, you need to STOP!! Either cut this man loose and put more work into yourself or stop the behavior and get into therapy ASAP. I gave myself two years to heal from a relationship that seeped with trust issues. Each relationship needs to be a clean slate. You can't have new man pay for the past man. Snooping does NOT help a relationship with trust issues. You only make it even worse. Giving each other access to your phones and internal access to social media accounts is a dumb idea too! You must really ask yourself if your behavior will either make the man be honored or offended by what you are doing? After an honest assessment to the questions, you will be able to figure out if you should move forward with the pursuit of data or not. Now ask yourself, what is the purpose of following behind the guy and reviewing where he has been? Do you have trust issues? Does his story not add up to his electronic footprint? I believe that we are all entitled to a degree of privacy. I do not believe that I need to know everything that my romantic interest is up to every day. I do not think that I should be forced to reveal what I do every second of the day either. Allow for degrees of privacy in a relationship. Being a man's mother is NOT SEXY!! I understand that an internet search for arrests is vital for your safety and the safety of your small children. It makes sense for a guy to not want to reveal a past criminal record in the beginning. Hopefully, you are not dragging new men around your children upon first meeting anyway. Tisk tisk! That is a whole other mess of a subject! You may run into a guy with a shitty childhood who had a huge juvenile rap sheet a mile long then turned his life around. Is it fair to dig up the man's past? Some say that it is not where they were but who they are today that counts. You can dig things up and it can screw up your initial perception of the person. Would you want grace if you screwed up as a young kid? Be careful what you wish for. Once you find something, you cannot go back. If you offend the guy you are dating by snooping or lose HIS trust, you cannot undo that either. You run the risk of being too nosy and pushing the man away. It is not attractive to be badgered by new woman. Always ask if you would like what you are doing to him? Obsessions end up being toxic, unhealthy relationships eventually. I wish you luck if you choose to back off or go full speed ahead! https://www.quora.com/Why-am-I-so-obsessed-with-someone-completely-different-to-what-I-usually-like-I-have-been-so-into-where-he-lives-and-I-m-searching-up-everywhere-he-has-been-on-Google-Is-this-normal/answer/Leslie-Jasper-3?prompt_topic_bio=1 I thank you for stopping by my page to peep what I have put together. I just came back from a weekend hanging out with my sons and my friends who reside in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. They live about 90 minutes from New York City. My sons went to a well-known waterpark out in town with friends and family. The weather was rainy all weekend and only sunny today! Therefore, I enjoyed the day and came home late! As I stated in an earlier post over the weekend, I am behind on checking out questions intended for me on Quora. Therefore, I will share the varying content that I respond to when I make a move. Your input on the topic is welcomed down in the comment section. Let me know what you want to add? I hope you enjoyed your family time this weekend while honoring the people who served, past and present, in our armed forces for our country. Wherever you are in the globe, I wish ya a peaceful Monday evening and upcoming week! I shall speak with you all very soon! Cheers! Leslie M. Jasper -Author And Host of the #VerballyDisastrous podcast now alive on many platforms that include: Acast, Anchor, Apple Podcasts, Breaker, Castbox, Deezer, Google Podcasts, I Heart Radio, Listen Notes, Overcast, Player FM, Pocket Casts, Pod Bean, Podchaser, Podcast Addict, Podcast Gang, Radio Public, Soundcloud, Soundtrap, Spotify, Stitcher, Tune In, and YouTube. -The Audio Blog: Verbally Disastrous Podcast And Construction Tales Blog. 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