Originally Published on 2-28-16 Topic: My Thoughts On Domestic Violence -UPDATED 1-25-21

*If you suspect someone is a victim of domestic violence, reach out to your local domestic violence hotline.* Hello everyone! I often promote #ConstructionTales on different Facebook pages and various media platforms throughout the internet. I stumbled upon one that dealt with the subject of Domestic Violence against women. I was pleased to see a page dedicated to giving solid advice on that subject matter. I have dealt with that as a child watching my father get angry and abusive towards my mother, sisters, myself, and my step-mom. I plan to write a book about it some day. An abusive home life had brought on a subconscious fear once I would hear a man's voice get louder in nature. I then would subsequently anticipate that violence was sure to follow. I usually kept my distance once I would hear the voice escalating to a deeper intensity. As a grown woman, it sometimes still bothers me to hear various types of yelling. It is something that once you experience that type of violence, it never fully goes away. However, I have grown into my strength as a woman over the years. Being in construction has built up the fire in my soul for many years now. As of today, not much rattles me. It is fair to say that I now have the heart of a lion. As an adult, that is still a hot button subject for me. I absolutely won't allow that in my home or in my life. I have two boys that I would not tolerate hearing any form of violence towards their girlfriends and/or future wives! I tend to look out fiercely for family members as well. Years ago, I had witnessed an episode, over the phone with a family member, where my family member was getting abused by a partner. It was thousands of miles between Oregon and New York. I couldn't handle the situation myself so I needed my mother to take care of it for me. I had gotten on the phone with my mother and made her go get my family member and pack up the belongings. I would have kept on my mother until the family member was out of the offending house. In hindsight, I didn't think about how uncomfortable this incident had made her feel. I didn't think about how the past trauma impacted her and put fear in her heart. At that moment, I was the voice of reason and the backbone for my mother to take a stand and get that family member out of harms way. I kept encouraging my mother to handle business and she would not get harmed for intervening. I most certainly would have jumped on a plane if anything bad had happened to my mother. Thank goodness that family member did get out of that relationship, after that explosive night, and has had a loving spouse for many years now. Domestic violence is an absolute deal breaker in a relationship for me! I have only been in one relationship that had turned sour like that. I was a very young woman with few relationships under my belt. I ended up getting into violent matches with him, a few times. I would never let a man just hit me without hitting him back. We would end up a bruised and a bloodied mess once we were done fighting. We both ended up with wounds from that since I would not back down. Initially, it was super hard to get away from that situation since I loved him with great intensity and passion. However, I ended up getting out of that situation. I made sure to get out of that situation and to never get into something like that ever again. I have never been in an abusive relationship ever since we parted ways. I think one of the best ways of avoiding those kinds of situations would be to make your own money. If you make your own money, you can be the captain of your own ship. Life follows under your own terms. Then you can screen men to see if they come from good backgrounds and don't have a history of violence. You can study their behavior and part ways when if the situation turns violent. Oftentimes, women get involved with a man since they must depend on them financially. When you make your own money, you can pick and choose who you want to be with long term. It is important for a man to know that you don't need him and he must put in some work to keep you. If a man puts his hands up just once in anger, he will do it again and again. It helps being strong too. I know most men would not want to get hit back by me since I do pack a mean punch. Seriously, you must be willing to look for signs and be willing to leave at the first sign of violence. It could save your life and the life of your children. Being in a violent relationship is not healthy and has long term ramifications for your children in the present and the future. I remember as a kid seeing my female role models being abused. Sadly, it almost felt like it was normal to expect in a relationship. I was accustomed to a man ruling the house and you do not question it. Despite the strict military style home life, I adored my dad. I rarely saw my mom or step-mom stand up for themselves. If they did, they would see the wrath of my father. As a kid, this environment stunted my social growth. I was very quiet and barely spoke unless spoken to in elementary school. I didn't find a part of my voice until I reached middle school. My parents divorced when I was in elementary school. Somehow that pivotal event caused a lot of mixed emotions and some misguided anger as a teen. Despite my mom having a man that treated her better, I was angry and confused about the broken family. I moved in with my dad and step-mom when I turned 13 years old. The step-mom made the experience grueling to endure. They parted ways in the summer before my senior year of high school. Here comes a move to a different town and high school. The bright side of this change was meeting my first strong woman in my life. I moved in with this couple and my dad in the new town to start school. Any form of domestic violence had ceased to exist. I got to see with my own eyes a different type of husband and wife dynamics. I met my first strong woman; boy did I gravitate to her!! She was cut from a different cloth and originally came from Chicago. I remember her teaching me how to protect myself. She told me to put my key in between my fingers. If someone attacks you, you now have a weapon. It may have been at this moment that I blamed my mom for not sticking up for herself. Here is a woman that knows how to communicate, compromise, and never let a man push her around. Her husband was allergic to cats. She had a heated shed where she kept her cats; something my mom or step-mom could not get away with ever. I used to go to the shed and pet the cats with her and ask her many questions. It was at that moment in time where the family dynamics ideals shifted dramatically in my mind. I left that environment hopeful that my future relationship will not be doomed to domestic violence. I sincerely hope my story above will inspire at least one woman to evolve from any form of oppressions to an evolved position of a new self-sufficient life. It all starts with figuring out exactly how you want to get out of the current way of life. You can reach out to the apprentice office of a trade you want to enter into for a career. Wait for the intake of apprentices and apply. Make sure you read and follow the instructions EXACTLY as stated. Then jump through the hoops and start your career in the trades. Once you finish your apprenticeship, you are on the road to independence and a life where you can call the shots. You do not have to choose only a trade to join. You can find financial stability from many other avenues. Then you can pick and choose who you want to be in your life as a partner. Having the financial independence to do as you choose is very gratifying and makes life enjoyable. I am rooting for you on your road to achieving independence and a better way of life! *EDIT:* I sat on this article debating whether or not I had given enough sound advice for a woman that is actively in the struggle of domestic violence. I want to add that you are stronger than you know. You do not know how strong you are until pushed to do so. I know I once had the love and the fear of God in my father. I put some distance between ourselves and developed that strength. You must be head strong with the purpose of not relying on anyone but yourself. There are places that can help you and your children. Surround yourself with strong women. Women who have previously experienced domestic violence and have rose above the ashes of old to form a new life. Each step into the path of independence takes time. Be kind to yourself. Write out a list of 50 goals and scratch each accomplished goal out. Then re-write your goals six months later. You do not need to have malice in your heart or hold an anger against the man who once tried to control you. Anger will only hold you eternally in that negative space. Pray for them and find peace amidst the storm. Find your voice and please do not lose it. Take your time and study men who cross your paths. If you sense any form of aggression or excessive anger in the man, cut your losses. You will know a good man when you see him. Your intuition, aka your gut, will tell you he is a good man. You shall gain a sense of peace in his presence. Take your time and choose wisely moving forward. You got this next chapter. Best of luck! Have a great Monday! Cheers! Leslie M Jasper *If you suspect someone is a victim of domestic violence, reach out to your local domestic violence hotline.* #Scholastic #nonfiction #bookstagram #DropEverythingAndRead #SpringBookFair2021 #LoveOfReading #Reading #ConstructionTales #books #funny #NYC #podcast #Spotify #VerballyDisastrous #bookfair #bookjoy #ReadAnywhere #LoveToRead #AllForBooks #Adult #FBF21 #LBF21 #BEA21 #IKBF21 #KLF21 #HKTDC21 #GBF21 #IIBF21 #LATFOB21 #SIBF21 #FILBO21 #EIBF21 #BAIBF21 #MIBF21 #BIDLDSP21 #BS21 #BBF21 #HIBF21 #IBTAF21 #IBBF21 #ITEF21 #JLF21 #JIBF21 #LBF21 #NDWBF21 #TiBE21 #TIBF21 #BCBF21 #LIVREPARIS21 #SDLDM21 #HBF21 #FIL21 #IIBF21 #SBF21 #BuchWein21 #VIBF21 #ADIBF21 #AIPF21 #bookstagram #book #bukuislami #b #bukumurah #islamicbookfair #buku #booklover #bukusejarah #buchberlin #booklove #cher #bookshelf #internationalbookfair #bookholic #jualbuku #jualbukumurah #reading #obralbuku #bukuindie #bukujogja #tokobukumurah #buchmesse #langka #pasarbuku #bukulangka #bhfyp #jualbelibukuonline #onlineshop #jualanonline #booklovers #anresbooks #readingbooks #booksofinstagram #boekuitstalling #buch #bookish #buchberlinkids #tokobukuonline #boimela #lesen #bookworm #poetry #gontor #fbm #bazarbuku #bookreview #berlin #read #writer #berlinerbuchmesse #buchmesseberlin #author #instabooks #boekverkoping #virtualbookfair #bookaddict